There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
