Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
