i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
