I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
