My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
