how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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