how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
