I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
