Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
