New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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