i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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