I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
