a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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