my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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