Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
