okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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