Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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