Porn is love you can see.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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