if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
