i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
