Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
