What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
