Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
