Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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