Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
