Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
