I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
