apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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