textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
