There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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