you guys were way drunker than both of me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it's great music for shaving your balls
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
