And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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