Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
