my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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