counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
