Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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