Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
