He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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