I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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