They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
