I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
