Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize