why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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