That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
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how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
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I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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