Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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