If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
