I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
