If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
