I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
