he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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