I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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