what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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