Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
