wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize