I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't turn off my feet"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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