is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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