a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
