For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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