what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
