Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
