we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
