Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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