Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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