girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She tied me up with her honor cords...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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