i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
