My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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