I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
