Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
