so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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