Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
