Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
