You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
