We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
