I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
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If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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