My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
