everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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