two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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