Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
