Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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