Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
