i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
