the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
