You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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