After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
