Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
