There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
