Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize